A Letter To My Future Wife (If I Have One)


To my future wife (if I have one),

You may think “he does not care about me”, and you are right, (a phrase that at times will not always be said in our marriage as we are both human beings who still have sinful tendencies), because how can I care about a person that I have no idea whether they exist or not? I do not always care about the people I am close to that do exist, let alone someone who does not. At least does not in my life at this point in time. There are many believers who think that God has promised them a spouse, that they are entitled to a wife or husband, I am not one of them. You may exist, you may not, whatever the case, it should not make or break my walk with the Lord. My prayers to God consist of “if” I have a spouse, not “when”. Again, my walk with God is not determined by your existence or lack of. Sorry. When it comes to a spouse, if I ever have one, the only quality that  should matter is whether or not Christ is the center, the drive, the reason for their existence, not a long list of shallow qualities that I think should compose you. While on the surface this is not our natural tendency hence why I said “should”, it should be what all that attracts us to one another at the end of the day, but because of our flesh this will not always be so. Beyond that I have no standards, not even a set of basic ones, because God knows what I need and that is better than anything I could ever want.

There are going to be many times where I will not choose to love you, and vice versa, you will not choose to love me. To say I will not care about anything other than who you are in Christ would be a lie and ignorant idealism. I do care, my mind a heart are set on things, some good, the others not so much.  I am not sure if you know this or not, but even believers still have the flesh, and while it does not define us, there are still several occasions where it can dictate our actions. I will care about things I should not care about and you will too. There are moments where we will annoy the absolute hell out of each other and quite possibly will not be able to even stay in the same room. Love is not something we will always express, grace not a benefit we will always give. Even more so there may be points where it seems like the only solution there will be is to call it quits, to give up, to want out and give in. We will get angry, be bitter, say things that will end in regret, and treat each other like we are not even believers. That is the reality, relationships are more of a mess than they are pretty, more rough than they are kind. Then again when is anything easy worth it? While “it”will not be easy, if “it” happens, “it” will be worth it. We will almost certainly treat each other lousy at times, thank God that Christ is love not us. When 1st Corinthians 13 talks about love, that love is not us, and while it may not be us, it is in us through Christ, and that love will be affirmation when shown and consolation when not.

I cannot emphasize enough how little it matters to me what you are looking for because my life is not about living for you, it is about living for God, your view should be the same too. Relationships are about pulling one another toward Christ even if it means pushing away from each other. It does not matter who I think you should be or what I want you to do, God is the only person you answer to. While it matters if you are walking in Christ, your motivation for doing so should not be me, it should be Him. The only way for any relationship to be a success is not just to put Christ at the center, but to put Him above, below, around, and in every crack an crevice possible. If this marriage ever happens we will fail at it, but I am convinced that even in our failures we can find success as long as we are pursuing Him.

You may be real, you may not, my life is not going to depend on it. I would be foolish to make a long list of romantic promises and idealistic claims, when I do not even know your name. Marriage may not even be something God has in my future, which would make such statements seem futile and sound doubly foolish. I am not against getting married, I quite like the idea if I am being completely honest, but if that is not what God has, there is not point in losing sleep over it.

See you if I see you,






About Chronology of Chris

-In Christ -Student of Life, Theology, Philosophy and Education -Avid reader (C.S. Lewis, Alvin Plantinga, Francis Schaeffer, James Sire, Martin Luther, Luis de Molina, Gordon D. Fee, David R. Anderson, David Kinnaman, Arthur Conan Doyle, Charles Schulz (Peanuts), Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes), Hunter S. Thompson, Douglas Adams, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jean Paul Sartre, Soren Kierkegaard, etc.) -Amateur philosopher -Field researcher for this privilege called life -Defined not labelled -Silly, yet serious -Knowledgeable and experienced -People over facts( facts have their place), souls over figures -More than an "about me" box can contain -His will, not mine
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2 Responses to A Letter To My Future Wife (If I Have One)

  1. Hmmm. Sounds wise. This one thing however, “here are going to be many times where I will not love you, and vice versa you will not love me.” I think while we may indeed not like our spouse or perhaps even hate them momentarily, love endures. Said through gritted teeth perhaps, but I love you is a balm for our souls. That is how Christ treats us, while we were yet unworthy, He loved us. That is what we have to reflect in our own marriages.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I changed the thought to express myself a little more clearly. There will be times and there are times that we choose not to love people. That does not mean it will always be the case, but there will be moments where I choose not to. That is why it is so important to be dependent on Christ, to enjoy the the love of others when they give it, and do not lose hope when they do not.


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