No matter how we think of ourselves or others, I think it is safe to say, “prince charming” does not exist in the real world. While this post may seem one sided, directed toward women because of the whole prince charming thing, the same message is for guys, and whatever false types or standards they build regarding women.
I think that being a Christian, one should possess a healthy amount of skepticism and objectivity regarding ideas. It is no stretch to say that worldview is in EVERYTHING, from the books we read, to the clothes were wear, every material, every idea, has a person with a worldview as the driving force behind it. Now, that does not mean we are always going to be impacted by that worldview, but at the same time, we should be aware of and able to identify these views, as the world tries to impose them upon us.
Prince Not So Charming
One view that I have heard a lot of among believers lately, is the idea of “prince charming”. “Prince charming” is a common phrase among women to describe the type of man they are attracted to, and would like to date, even marry. Popularized by fairy tales and more recently Walt Disney, prince charming is essentially what women deem as the “perfect man.” See, prince charming is this guy who is all smiles and dashing looks, that does what you want, when you want it, how you want it, who possesses every quality you desire, and meets every one of your expectations, realistic or not. There is nothing real about prince charming, which is why his existence outside of fiction is impossible. Maybe that explains why so many women are still single, they have spent life in the world of non fiction, looking for a man who is fiction. If you are waiting for the perfect man, you might as well be a bachelorette to to the rapturelorrete, because perfect men, perfect people, do not exist.
Prince charming is not a Biblical concept for qualities one should desire in a man, he does not exist, and if you meet someone who seems like he is, give it time, in reality he is probably the furthest from it. The other reason why prince charming does not exist is because prince charming is always the good guy, which being fiction it is easy to be so, whereas real men, especially Christian men are sometimes the bad guy. Believers still have the flesh, and as a result, they will not always be charming, but they will have Christ, and so many times that has to make up for their lack of charm, when they are being someone you really do not like. Ask any married Christian couple if they always love each other, if her husband always treats her like Christ, or she always resist the temptation to act out at him in the flesh. When you put two Christians together in a marriage, sure they have Christ, and hopefully they will grow because of Him, but there will be days where they don’t and times where they won’t. I say prince charming does not work, because the standard any woman or man should have, when attracted to the opposite sex, should not be the charming qualities of a fictitious prince, but character that reflects the non fictitious, eternal King. What we look for in a potential spouse should be the reality of Christ, not a prince from fiction. Our draw to them should, be their desire to grow in Him on their good days, and their drive to pick up the pieces and keep going on their bad. We do not like that answer though, because when it comes to Christ there is not a lot of charm. It is hard to be charming when you are bloody and beaten on a cross. Who needs that right? When the crap hits the fan, we want a prince, who is smiles and charm on my side, not a king who fought and died to save my soul. Right? Who needs the eternal king, when you can have a temporal prince?
Identity of a King, or Poser of a Prince?
The problem with Prince Charming, and whatever the equivalent is for men regarding women, is that attraction is based on the qualities and ideas of a human, when they need to be on the theology of God in Jesus Christ. Why would we make up someone be the criteria we look for in a spouse, when Christ, who is very much real, has already set the criteria in Him? Maybe what we want in a spouse and what God says He wants us to have, are two different things. God may not give us everything we want in a spouse, but He will give us everything we need. We act as if what we want, is better than what He says we need. One of the most convicting and profound things, I ever heard spoken from a pulpit, was during a message from a speaker at my old Bible college. He said, and I remember verbatim, as this stuck with the stickiness of Gorilla glue “If you find a woman who has solid heart for the Lord, and your vision for ministry lines up, who cares if she is fat, go for her.” His point was who cares about worldly standards or even our own standards when it comes to who we are attracted to, because their heart for the Lord, their desire to serve Him, that should trump all. I know people say you should be physically attracted to who you pursue, but the older I get, the more I see, maybe physical attraction is not something you need right away, maybe after spiritual attraction, the physical attraction will come. If someone has solid character and lives a life devoted to Christ, who gives a damn if you are physically attracted to them to start with! It is not like that physical attraction will last a life time anyway. Wait until you get older, saggier, and your body begins to emit more smells and sprout more hair. Our goal should be to not let the world be out standard for what we look for in a spouse, even our own flesh, but to let Christ. Christ was a servant, He helped people, He was kind, caring, compassionate, He washed feet, Christ brought truth even when people did not want it and He died on the cross for people who did not deserve to have someone die for them…..that is what I want my wife to be like, if she exists, (if, not when, God promises no one a spouse) not some made up character from a fairy tale, or even worse, a Taylor Swift song.
What are we looking for in a spouse? Is our desire for a partner based on the fiction of what you want, or the nonfiction of Christ and what He says we need? Like Sherlock Holmes says about heroes not existing, I say of prince charming, he does not exist and if he did, I would not be him. Being in Christ I have something better than all the charm, sex appeal, and princes the world has to offer. Children look fictitious princes, adults you look for the real King. Which do you desire to have, which do you desire to be? You are not a princess and I am not a prince, but we are in Christ, our identity is something better, our identity is in Him.