Marriage and Family Life

As naturally people do during this time of year I began a new slew of classes this week. Not only are these new classes new they are also exciting……..well all apart from one. This “one” I speak of, the exception to the rule if you will, is a class by the name of Marriage and Family Life. After prolonging the inevitable by two semesters I finally had to cave in and take this required course.Theology, easy. Hermeneutics, no problem. History, let me at it. Philosophy, nothing to it. Give me the hard thinking classes any day! Marriage and family life…not so much. So if all these other courses are so easy, so exciting, why not this?  The simple answer is that marriage and family are two things I greatly struggle with and often try hard not to think about.  Not because I am against it, or do not want it, it just a concept that already often distracts, now I have to take a whole class on the. The other reason has a lot to do with the examples I saw of marriage and family growing up. Over the majority of my life marriage and family were two concepts that I had nothing but a negative context to associate them with. Everything that God established as the way marriage and family was supposed to be I for the most part saw the opposite all ending in the same way, divorce, brokenness or both. Seeing this as an unbeliever for nineteen years impacts your views on the topic whether want to admit it for or not. I have gotten over the fact of what marriage and family are not, intellectually I see them how God sees them, unfortunately though for me there are still aspects I do not feel comfortable about and still wrestle with in my heart. I am twenty six years old, almost twenty seven and with a majority of my friends saying “I do” or having children, marriage is commonly on my mind. I think for a lot of Christians in their twenties marriage and family is a struggle back in many young believer’s minds. Where it becomes an issue for me, for whatever reason, I feel like a marriage and family especially a Godly one is not something I will be allowed to ever have. This is me being reasonably transparent by the way. In my mind I think because of the bad marriage/family I was born of I am marked as not allowed to have either, believing in some form of retribution theology bestowed upon me for the sins of my family before me. What is funny is I know this is a lie, yet I still believe it over and over again. You then have thoughts and feelings like “I am not good enough”  “no one should or could put up with me” “I am never going to meet anyone” “who could ever love me” and a whole plethora of pessimistic self degradation resulting in a a reverse pride of sorts. The reality is that while none of us deserves anybody/anything, we are fortunate in that God does not give based on what we deserve. If you want evidence of that just look at the work of Christ. All that said, I am going to have my work cut out for me especially since twice a week, not counting homework, I am required  to study and learn about this topic. It would be and understatement to say this is not going to be a challenge. Before I could ignore it, you see and engagement on Facebook you ignore both parties news feeds, hear of one in school  just dodge it, see couples doing their thing scoff and act above, celebrate singles awareness day on Valentine’s and all around avoid the topic altogether, whereas now I have no choice. I have no choice. Sorry I need the to resonate a little bit. This thing that drives me up the wall, because of my past, because of not having it, I not have that which I try so hard to detest. I guess though if I have to study marriage and family life, if I have to learn about it, I might as well try and get something from it. God uses the discomfort of things we do not understand to bring of out of the comfort of the things we do. My goal I guess is to get two things out of this class. The first is a mindset that regardless if God will allow marriage for my life, I should be willing to grow in who I am for Him alone. My desire to growth should not be dependent on another person or the prospect of them, but Him. If you are not willing to fully follow God single how do you expect to do so when married?  Is that not what a relationship should be about anyway, two people in Christ pushing one another toward God even if it means away from each other? My goal to give over these struggles  should not be for the prospect of someone else, but to better appreciate a system of His design. Leading off of that, the second thing I would like to get over is this cynical fatalistic attitude I have toward marriage. We should have joy not jealousy when we see two people commit to marriage , especially two believers. The other thing is that where you have come from does not dictate where are you going. My parents marriages/families have no bearing or reflection on my potential marriage or family. So long as I walk with God, single or married, their sins do not have to continue through me. Apart from that who knows what else God has in store for this class. As difficult as it is going to be I want to be open and willing to whatever He wants to reveal. I want to embrace this class so having said that all I can do is have an open mind/heart and allow Him to do a transforming work through it. Time, as it does with most things, will tell. And that my friends is a small portion of thoughts from the mind of an almost twenty seven single Christian male.


About Chronology of Chris

-In Christ -Student of Life, Theology, Philosophy and Education -Avid reader (C.S. Lewis, Alvin Plantinga, Francis Schaeffer, James Sire, Martin Luther, Luis de Molina, Gordon D. Fee, David R. Anderson, David Kinnaman, Arthur Conan Doyle, Charles Schulz (Peanuts), Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes), Hunter S. Thompson, Douglas Adams, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jean Paul Sartre, Soren Kierkegaard, etc.) -Amateur philosopher -Field researcher for this privilege called life -Defined not labelled -Silly, yet serious -Knowledgeable and experienced -People over facts( facts have their place), souls over figures -More than an "about me" box can contain -His will, not mine
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