I do not really blog often and when I do my primary goal is for self therapy. One of my last few posts was entitled “True Love Waits or Does it?” a post in which I expressed a slight concern over the True Love Waits movement. Openly I admit I had not researched it quite as much as what I needed to, but at the same time I think the point of my argument was missed. Let me start by showing what the True Love Waits vow states.
“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”
My problem with this idea is not that the pledge or even the goal behind it, but in fact some of the things it entails from the mouth of the one pledging. It is not saying IF I find a mate and are married it is saying WHEN I have those things. The pledge itself promotes the idea that we all have a future mate when the reality of it is we might not. When I said True Love Does Not Wait, it does not. As we love God, as we know Him, as we enjoy Him, our hearts will be more like Christ and we will do what is necessary to remain pure and right regardless of whether or not He provides us with a spouse one day. Abstinence is only one small part of the problem, it all has to do with the heart, just because I refrain from physical lust does not mean my heart and mind cannot be consumed by it. Loving God should be enough, we should not have to sell God by the promises of a future spouse and marriage. What happens when people make this pledge and that spouse never comes. Does that make love less worth waiting for? Is God enough to bring fulfillment regardless of not having that spouse. Ultimately I think True Love Waits does more harm than good as it brings the wrong emphasis and reasoning for not just waiting, but for loving. This is what I think happens those who accept this go off the rails.
“The efficacy of the program has been questioned based on a 2003 study showing that 6 out of 10 college students who had taken the pledge had broken it, and of the 40% who identified themselves as abstaining from intercourse, 55% acknowledged having participated in oral sex.”
“Since 1993, about 2.4 million young people have signed a pledge to wait until marriage to engage in sexual intercourse. Are these young evangelicals keeping their pledges? In March 2004, researchers from Columbia University and Yale University reported on their findings. For seven years they studied 12 thousand teenagers who took the pledge. Sadly, they found that 88 percent of these pledgers reported having sexual intercourse before marriage; just 12 percent kept their promise.”
Yes those surveys are almost ten years old, but I think they accurately show how inefficient trends like this truly are. I said it before TRUE LOVE DOES NOT WAIT! Why? It does not have to. When one pursues God and the knowledge/life found from Him, that love will genuinely manifests in the actions, decisions and views of that person.